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| Sunday, December 6th, 2009 | | 12:33 am |
i typed the words then i erased them. thats how much it hurt. | | Tuesday, December 1st, 2009 | | 4:58 am |
5am.
i finally washed your smell off of my pillows tonight. then i died a little. | | Wednesday, November 18th, 2009 | | 4:05 am |
happy birthday.
no matter how many times you've done it, no matter how many times you prepare for it, somehow you still just cant get a handle on it. this time its gradual. the fallout seeps in as opposed to the familiarity of being at ground zero. i tell my shoulders to stay back but within minutes they slump forward. i have no desire to sleep or to be awake. i hate my couch but i sit here for hours on end holding in my pee. im still not sure, is this who i have always been or is it turning me into someone i dont want to be? its a slow crawl downward. i forced myself to eat a banana today simply because i needed vitamins. i eat like shit. i feel like shit. i think like shit. i stumble around like im on some bender and i wake up feeling more tired than when i fell asleep. i force myself to shower and hop on my bike to ride anywhere. just anywhere far from here. i end up in strange neighborhoods throughout the city alone silently nursing a green tea with honey. its like i want to be around people to help me forget, to help distract but i dont want to talk to anyone. i told my mom and sister tonight and they kept asking me questions. i continuously responding with one or two word answers and finally said, "look, i would rather not talk about it." but of course they kept asking. i just dont want you to make me talk about it. let me do this. i can do this. i need to do this. alone. i have enough miles to fly anywhere in the united states. i may need to crash on someones couch for a few days. preferably someone with an xbox. | | Sunday, November 8th, 2009 | | 2:12 am |
demonstrative monsters.
(the consequences of keeping quiet) (the impossibility of shaking what shakes you) (the sex pistols have always been the soundtrack of my finest moments) (rudy cant lose) (grape juice and lime chips) (how to live forever) (knives away for a night) (broken promises to real life monsters) (battle plans and survival manuals) (59 and 83rd) 17.11.09. 8pm. australian time. | | Wednesday, October 7th, 2009 | | 8:58 pm |
AOL, i knew i kept you around for a reason.
okay, i know i talked a lot of shit on my last tour about the racist/sexist/homophobic comments on AOL news stories, but sometimes you find a few gems. a comment to this story about somali pirates attempting to board a french naval ship: "PIRATES ARE VERY MISUNDERSTOOD. MY UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR STEVE IS A PIRATE AND SO IS HIS COMPANIAN ADAM. THEY ARE VERY COOL. THEY ARE ALWAYS INVITING ME TO THEIR PIRATE CLUB. I WENT WITH THEM ONE TIME AND HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE. PIRATES ARE VERY SIMILAR TO JEWS AND ASIAN PEOPLE, IN THAT THEY ONLY WANT TO HANG OUT WITH THEIR OWN KIND, I GUESS THATS OK, AFTER ALL THEY DO CATCH ALOT OF FLACK FROM OTHERS FOR BEING PIRATES, THOUGH IT WAS KIND OF WEIRD IN THAT I NEVER MET ANY FEMALE PIRATES WHEN EVER I HANG OUT WITH THEM. ITS SO FUNNY, THEY ARE ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO CONVERT INTO "PIRATISM" BUT THAT IS NOT MY LIFESTYLE. IM NOT ONE TO JUDGE, TO EACH THEIR OWN, IM NOT CUT OUT TO BE A PIRATE LIKE STEVE AND ADAM. ONE EVENING I LOST MY KEYS AT THE PIRATE CLUB AND THEY WERE SO KIND AS TO LET ME SLEEP AT THEIR "PIRATE COVE" (THATS WHAT THEY CALL THEIR PAD UPSTAIRS), BUT I COULDNT GET ANY SLEEP BECAUSE THEIR PARROT (IN THE NEXT ROOM) KEPT SCREAMING THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT. FUNNY, IT KEPT SAYING "DEEPER, DE..." | | Monday, September 7th, 2009 | | 11:29 am |
| | Friday, August 28th, 2009 | | 8:46 pm |
| | Friday, August 21st, 2009 | | 3:38 am |
| | Sunday, August 2nd, 2009 | | 3:10 am |
| | Thursday, July 30th, 2009 | | 1:36 am |
| | Monday, May 25th, 2009 | | 5:00 am |
now they tell me.
"Tattoos are both a part of an ignorant past and dimwitted present. Tattoos aren't art in any way, shape or form. They're an ill-advised attempt at self-adornment. Tattoos are a statement that the wearer has self-esteem issues and little regard for the uninked body they were born with." - a dermatologist who specializes in tattoo removal. | | 3:17 am |
stolen... and dead on.
"... and who refuse to realize that drunken stupors and jealous tendencies mixed with bad behavior are the antithesis of being truly "wild." Who can't seem to accept that a herd mentality is in no way a rebellion and it is decidedly not rock and roll." | | Thursday, May 14th, 2009 | | 2:54 am |
tour.
i wish i was on tour in america. just driving from town to town by myself, peeing in bottles while listening to audiobooks. right now, i miss that. i miss having an excuse to see people and complain about the hateful cities that i secretly adore like a three legged cat or a yuppie throwing up on the sidewalk. to pull off the road in some small town in alabama and eat a shitty hot dog so i can watch the people walk in and out on general stores or eat clam chowder by myself in new hampshire and leave the condescending server a tip bigger than my bill as a fuck you. i miss the humidity of florida. the sketchy punx of portland. mels diner in LA. the buffets in vegas. injectables in boston. and way manor in jersey. that being said, any upcoming touring will probably be my last for a long time. | | Monday, May 4th, 2009 | | 1:48 pm |
transformers.
last year, the ferret was asked by totallycrap.com to do a photoshoot with toys. no, not those toys. and toys, i have. la lala, they posted the pics. recently, the wonderful world of bot-nerds got wind of this and they began to burn up the TF message boards with all types of hilarity and inside nerd jokes. but the winner, by far is this:  genius. | | Thursday, April 23rd, 2009 | | 1:14 am |
| | Wednesday, April 15th, 2009 | | 5:50 pm |
fingers crossed.
"Yes, it's your life, your movie. But in MY movie, you don't die until you've become an old geezer and I'm long buried."  | | Monday, March 9th, 2009 | | 3:14 am |
| | Sunday, March 8th, 2009 | | 3:37 pm |
"when i rest, i rust."
its 330pm and im still laying in bed. granted, an hour of that has to do with daylight savings time and an hour to masturbation, nonetheless i feel quite pathetic. on tour and for the week afterward, i remain on this productive high. one that causes me to jump out of bed, eat better, exercise more and brainstorm upcoming ideas. its a creative sprint and despite the comfort of couches and petes pizza meal deals for that week afterward i still feel that runners high. this is the point when life goes back to normal. fuck this. im going running in the rain. | | Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009 | | 4:48 am |
| | Wednesday, January 28th, 2009 | | 3:15 am |
alive and cold.
since ive been overwhelmed with questions on my 'other' blog, i figure i should let you all know that im doing well living on planet hoth. and just like chicago winters and warped tours theres enough time between that you forget just how bad they can get. all these questions are too goddamn much. but i have to do what i have to do. 7 pages down, 7 to go. i have so many ideas swirling i cant stand it. its like im at some weird creative high. im am almost to the point of giddiness with this dxs 'reader' compilation book coming out. i actually picked 6 reader submissions out of the over 120 entries and 4 people i have asked to write have turned in their first drafts. i am so excited for you all to be able to read the words of my friends. the 10 stories i have already are incredible. this thing is going to be thick as shit. its already the size of 'notes' and will most likely double in size when the people who are supposed to submit their stories this weekend do. let me stress the SUPPOSED TO part. in one month i will be in california. in two months i will be in australia. in two and a half months i will be in england. right now this makes me happy: |
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